Parent Carer Trauma and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

In our latest blog for Affinityhub.uk Psychologist and parent carer, Louisa McMullon shares her experiences of EMDR.

I am a BPS Chartered and HCPC Registered Forensic Psychologist, having worked in the field of psychology for 20 years. Aside from my professional career as a psychologist, I am a mother of 2 amazing children. I have lived experience as a parent carer, following a traumatic birth, resulting in brain injury to my eldest child. Since that day, I have learnt to navigate a new life, one of disability, medical conditions and neurodivergent needs and all the “ups and downs” that come with this parenting pathway. I am constantly learning how to adapt and find new ways to support these complex and sometimes challenging needs, whilst simultaneously advocating, fighting and quite simply surviving, the often retraumatising health, social and educational systems we are now embedded in.

If you want to learn more about Louisa and her work as a psychologist, you can visit her website; www.resilientmindspsychology.co.uk

How has EMDR helped me?

When writing this, I found myself wondering what would other parent / carers want to know about my experience of having EMDR. I guess the first thing people might want to know is, did it help? Did it really work? Is it hard? Do I feel better? The answer to all of these… is a big YES!

I’m sure all parent carers know, the life we lead means we continue to face challenges along the path we now walk. However, what I can now say is, EMDR has really helped me to “show up” as the best version of myself, in this journey that I was catapulted into 8 years ago!

EMDR has allowed me to safely process & discharge the distress I unconsciously held in my nervous system from my experience of what professionals call a “big T” (trauma) which for me – was a birth trauma. It also allowed me to make connections with present day triggers, making sense of the waves of distress I was feeling, not days or months later – but years later ! By developing insight into all the ongoing “little t” (traumas) that kept constantly showing up on my journey as a parent / carer to a child with severe complex disabilities. By this I mean, the multiple experiences I was now facing as a medical mum – that were continuously making me feel powerless and not in control of my child’s life. This drew an exact (unconscious) parallel to how I felt during the birth and those early days / weeks that followed in SCBU (special care baby unit). I hadn’t realised the powerless, confusion and lack of control I had felt in that moment. I had been consumed by an intense anger at what happened to my little girl and an overwhelming sadness for what she lost as a result, which overshadowed these other emotions. These later events I was now facing (a professional saying or doing something seemingly unrelated) would instantly trigger my trauma response, throwing me straight back into those powerful feelings and a felt sense in my gut. This was an exhausting pattern and felt relentless due to the constant intrusive nature of professionals, therapy and health appointments, which were now intruding on our lives.

EMDR not only helped me make those connections but also safely process the distress into the past. I am now able to understand the links between control and feeling powerless, when and why they get triggered and be kinder to myself in those moments. I’ve learnt to let go of years of pain and suffering that was weighing heavily on me up to that point. Because of this I can show up on this journey in a much more resilient way.

Is EMDR hard?

Yes, it’s distressing at times, it’s draining and it wasn’t easy in those moments, but with every desensitisation session, this got a little bit easier and by the end I can honestly say it helped me put my trauma in the past. I truly feel like it has allowed me to find my old self again. I am no longer triggered by the countless professional meetings, medical appointments and all the other parts of this journey. Don’t get me wrong, I still notice these moments, get annoyed, upset, or vent, but I’m no longer instantly hijacked by my amygdala (commonly known as the fight / flight / freeze part of our brain), throwing me into my “fight” mode !

Moving my personal experience to my professional experience –

I started my psychological carer having always worked with trauma, initially through supporting young people in a secure unit for adolescents, later moving into a Category B prison, working with life sentenced and indeterminate male prisoners. I quickly realised that more often than not, underneath the challenges these individuals presented with, was their own unprocessed trauma, of some shape or form.

I had heard of EMDR, but it wasn’t something I had trained in, when I decided to seek out trauma therapy for myself, so I didn’t know much about what or how it worked. However, since experiencing first hand how powerful, fast and effective EMDR was (following 6 years of carrying around my trauma that now felt a central part of who I identified as) I was extremely keen to learn more and train in this approach, so I could deliver this to clients and help them achieve the same results I had experienced for myself.

Delivering EMDR as a therapist is extremely rewarding –

Throughout my 20 year career as a psychologist I can honestly say that EMDR has been a game changer. It’s an intense and deeply humbling experience and an absolute privilege to bear witness to, and then guide my clients out of their suffering. Witnessing this process is extremely powerful.

How does it differ from other modalities?

In comparison to other modalities i.e. talking therapy, you can get faster results. The neuroscience behind this approach means the memories are ‘neutralised’ in a way that many other therapy approaches just can’t quite reach… it reminds me of that old Heineken advert “refreshes the parts other beers cannot reach”!

Can it be used with or alongside other modalities?

That being said, EMDR is not for everyone. It can also be used alongside other modalities, so you can integrate it into existing therapy depending on client needs. Although when facilitating EMDR – there is a clear protocol that needs to be followed by an appropriately trained professional, but prior to starting, or following completion of all 8 phases of the protocol, other modalities can be, used to support the clients overall therapy journey. In fact, combining EMDR with other modalities can actually create a holistic approach, tailoring therapy. However, integration does offer benefits, but it also requires skill and careful planning. Practitioners need to ensure their clients are not overwhelmed by the breadth of techniques or shifting therapeutic focuses too frequently. Clear communication and gradual progression are important.

Is it hypnosis?

EMDR is not hypnosis nor is it mindfulness, though it can be thought of as a blend of elements of many traditional psychological orientations; such as cognitive reframing, mindfulness, somatic therapy etc.

It is also helpful to understand that the memory will remain, people don’t forget the event, but it allows the memory to be fully processed into the past (rather than feeling trapped in the present when triggered). Associated distress is reduced significantly – or even neutralised. The person may still feel associated emotions, which are aligned and make sense in the context of the memory (anger, sadness) but they are no longer overpowering, all consuming and high jacking our rational thought and actions!

Don’t you need expensive equipment ?

You don’t need equipment – although you can purchase and use EMDR kits that can support the process. The bilateral stimulation can be done through tapping with hands, following your therapists finger back and forth and there are many other ways.

How long does it take?

EMDR follows an 8 phase protocol – which needs to be facilitated by an appropriately trained mental health professional. The 4th phase is where the “desensitisation” occurs (what we all imagine when we think of EMDR). This part can be anything from 1 to a number of sessions – therefore EMDR, though it follows a protocol, is a very individual and unique process and will depend on the client and their trauma(s).

Are there other benefits?

Because it’s a non verbal therapy and not like traditional therapies, it could appeal to people who would may not usually consider therapy, those that find it tricky to open up, face or discuss their feelings. Learning about the neuroscience behind how it works can also be very appealing to some!

Signposts

There is some really useful information out there for people seeking out EMDR as a therapy approach and for mental health professionals that might want to train in this approach. I have signposted some links / podcasts / videos from both EMDR Europe and EMDR association UK, as the leading experts in this field.