As a parent of a disabled child, it can be hard to take care of yourself when there are so many other demands on your time. Fighting for services, dealing with your own emotional fallout as well as lack of sleep or downtime can take its toll. Here I look at some simple tips for you to develop your own ‘Carer care package’.
Turn to friends, family or your partner for help. Tell them if you need a chat, time out or just a hug. People generally want to help. Research suggests that those parents who receive more, or more helpful, social support also report higher levels of well being. (1)
A simple breathing exercise can help us deal with stress when challenges or frustrations are pushing us to the edge. Try this:
Breathe in through the nose for the count of 3
Breathe out through your mouth for a count of 6
Repeat 5 times
Book in some ‘me-time’
Research shows that having some time where you lose yourself in the ‘flow’ of an activity can be really grounding and have relaxation benefits. Whether it is sitting down with a good book and a cup of tea, knitting, gardening or going for a jog. Protect this time, mark it out in your diary, do not answer the telephone or the door. It’s your time and it’s precious.
Identify your strengths
Sometimes the daily grind can get us down. It can be helpful to remember what is going well and what our strengths are. Think about:
- What is the best thing about you?
- What is your most significant achievement?
- Where have you shown resilience?
- How can these strengths help you in the future?
Writing them down can help you to appreciate your achievements.
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger…
Whilst Nietzsche’s motto is rather simplified, research has shown a correlation between those who have been through a difficult or traumatic experience and those that show something called ‘post-traumatic growth’ (3). In my survey at affinityhub.uk around three-quarters of parents of disabled children reported an increase in fighting spirit, sense of expertise and putting life in perspective. Recognise what you have achieved and do so on a daily basis. You are an advocate on behalf of your child. You are an ambassador to help society become more inclusive and accepting.
We all know what they are:
- Get enough sleep
- Eat well
- Avoid alcohol, drugs or smoking as a way of coping
They may seem simple but can make the world of difference. A 20 minute walk around the block can help put things into perspective. Going to bed half an hour earlier can make you feel more refreshed.
For more tips on wellbeing click here
Speak to a professional
There may be times in your life when despite doing all the above you feel you need to speak to someone like a counsellor or psychologist about how you are feeling. If so, you can talk to your GP for a referral or there is a list of organisations and private professionals who have personal or professional experience of supporting parents carers on the affinityhub.uk website.
If you would like to take part in a survey on ‘The emotional impact of parenting a disabled child’ please go to the website affinityhub.uk
- White and Hastings, ‘Social and Professional support for Parents of Adolescents with Severe Intellectual Disabilities’ (2004) in Journal of Applied Research in Intellectual Disabilities
- Csikszentmihalyi, M. Flow: The Classic work on how to achieve happiness(2002)
- Joseph, S. What Doesn’t Kill Us: A guide to overcoming adversity and moving forward (2011)